Going PG-13

People who don’t like to swear (Tipper Gore, my Mom, you know the type) tell me that I’m lazy. That I should be finding more creative ways of communicating rather than simply resorting to “F this” and “S that”.

I still don’t buy it. I love how the English use the F word; as if it isn’t a swear at all. They use it in place of “very” or “damn”. It’s spoken on television. On prime time sit-coms while families gather around the dinner table. Aside from the metric system and public higher education, this is one of the U.K.’s great cultural advances. They use flowery language for their cuss words, like “(that 4 letter word that rhymes with bunt)ing”. What a great word that is. I wish Americans would use it.

But fine, I’ll bite. Let’s put this to the creative test by adapting a famous curse-riddled monologue. Tupac’s “I don’t give a [darn]”

The second (and most difficult to censor) verse:

[Fellows] isn’t just the blacks
Also a gang of [police officers] dressed in blue slacks
They say [gang members] hang in packs and their attitudes are [unhelpful]
Tell me, who’s the biggest gang of [troublemakers] in the city?
They say [people] like to do [each other],
So me and a cop are just two [of the above]
A street walkin’ [example] and a beat walkin’ [counterpart] with a badge
I had to shoot you and his pass, with a blast,
Take his cash before I dash and bash his head in
Dump him at the dead inn
And that’s just his luck
’cause [an individual] like me don’t really give a [hoot].

Outro:

I gotta [curse people]

[Dang] you to the San Francisco police department
[Go to hell] Marin County Sheriff department
[I have a low opinion of] the F.B.I
[Nor do I don’t care for] the C.I.A
[I wouldn’t vote for] the B-U-S-H
[I dislike] the AmeriKKKa
[Burn in hell] all you redneck, prejudiced mother [truckers] that want to [hurt me]
[damn] you
[that goes for] y’all
Punk, [homosexual], sensitive, little-dick [persons of illegitimate bearing]
2paclypse [right freaking] now
Y’all can kiss my [bottom] and [perform fellacio on me]
And my uncle Tommy’s [testicles]
[damn] Y’all
Punks

Despite this silliness, I’m still going to do my best. Let’s see how long I can go without swearing. 2 gosh darned weeks is my guess.

UPDATE: I didn’t last more than 2 hours. As soon as I said f***ing I stopped and yelled S***!

The Man

Youtube has been forced to take down my “Shame on a Simpson” video because of alleged copyright infringement. Fine.

At its time of death, my video had:
42,783 views
53 comments
and 4.5 stars

It was a good piece of fair use art, in my opinion. Luckily, some other people on youtube liked the video enough to download it and host it themselves:

Maybe we’ll keep handing this off like it’s the Watergate story. That would be fun.

IN OTHER NEWS

Now we’re getting more ambitious. Well choreographed dance moves. More sunglasses. A freezy pop. Complex coded messages written in tape across Kurt’s stomach. A second freezy pop.

This is C & C Music Factory’s “Everybody Dance Now”.

Shame on a Simpson

It’s cool just to watch “The Simpsons” on mute with Wu-Tang Clan’s “Enter the Wu-Tang” blasting. This is a bit more work.

UPDATE: Had to change the link when the Fox Broadcasting Corporation forced Youtube to take it down.